It has been 50 days since I started social distancing. It feels as if we have entered a different time and era; I suppose we have. Throughout these 50 days I have had many phases and at times it is hard to believe that it has been only a matter of days. I am writing this today to share my ‘Social Distancing Journey’ or so I like to call it. I wanted to communicate all the things I have learned and all the realizations I have had. Know that this is not at all a special piece of writing but it is meant to be relatable. I hope it is. Perhaps, this is just a conversation with myself and a note to you all. You might also call this a rant but whatever.

There are three stages to this account. The first stage for me was denial and a stern refusal towards any acknowledgement of the reality. This helped me create a sort of illusion in which I was apparently thriving in quarantine and even though I knew all the facts, the only thing I was worried about was my mom not letting me eat McDonalds. During the first three weeks of quarantine, I took up quite a few activities. I started reading books which kind of offended my sister because it is supposed to be her thing and she is petty like that. Then I started this blog and spent a lot of time writing and setting up a website. Zain’s virtual presence was good company while I did all this. Just by the way he taught me how to use WordPress because I am extremely technologically challenged. After starting that I wanted more of course and so I started learning German because that was something I had wanted to do for a while but never got around to it owing to the lack of time. Now all we have is time. Honestly, I felt good and productive for a while but you can only distract yourself for a certain amount of time.

Every story needs that one big climax where the world around the main character starts to crumble down and everything is just the way it is not supposed to be. For that we must enter stage two. About four days prior to the big climactic event, I started to isolate myself and the only time I saw my family was for dinner. I did not talk much for those few days and sort of shut down. It was almost as if a switch had been flipped and I started to think all the dark thoughts, my brain had refused to register previously. I will not go into the glory details of what happened next because frankly it’s uncomfortable to write about. The gist is I felt suffocated in my home and I know nowadays all of us feel so as well. The thoughts that bothered me the most were led by uncertainty. The fact that I did not know what was next for me and how long things will remain so. I was not thinking reasonably so I was angry that my mother would not let me go out while most of my friends still continued to meet up and hang out. Stupid of them but it bothered me. What bothered me even more was that the people who refuse to stay in lockdown are the reason why the lockdown will probably remain longer. Not to mention, I still was not allowed to have McDonalds and I still believe it is an unreasonable precaution my mother refuses to stop taking. She is compensating by making delicious food at home but it is not the same.

That passed and I took a few days to relax, do nothing, binge watch Money Heist, re-watch Vampire Diaries, sleep at odd times and a lot, do more of nothing, get Pringles in bulk and eat those Pringles. One of those days my phone’s screen time was twelve hours. In that time I realized that all the projects I had initially taken up may have been distractions at the time but I am also the not the kind of person who could sit idle. Previously, activities that assisted in avoiding the reality now helped me embrace it.

Over these days I had a few very important realizations. This is probably the only opportunity I will get to do things I always wanted to do but never got around to because I was to wrapped up and preoccupied with friends and studying. Now I get to learn a new language, maybe tomorrow I will decide to learn to play the guitar because I have seemingly infinite time. The scariest notion though, is not how long this will last, but what the world will look like once this is over and that is a nervous thought. It is also a question no one has an answer to so I think it is a good idea to take things one day at a time. I also feel less stressed nowadays even though all my responsibilities still remain. I still have to study and give my SAT and A2 and work on college applications. Honestly, even though I have acclimated more reasons to worry still, I am being more productive than ever before. What I concluded is that the reason why I feel the way I do is because I am not going to school every day, meeting people and being told what to do. So I am not comparing myself to anyone else and I am just being me and that is an amazing feeling. Everything I do is by my own will and I am not being forced into anything.

Finally, if you have made it so far thank you for reading and a word of advice. This is definitely a hard time for everyone so find solace in the fact that we are all in this together. Focus on your mental health and fix your sleep schedule. Being organized will give you sanity. Sleep at the same time every day and before sleeping write something you want to do the next day; simple things like bake brownies, 30 minutes of workout or watch a TV show. Find something to look forward to and make a quarantine routine for yourself. Also know that in this time you do not have to be productive because the productive we know was by the old world’s standards and we have it well established that we have now entered a new era. Your only priority should be keeping your health and sanity intact. Watch the sunrise and sunset whenever you feel down. The fact that you were amidst a global pandemic is the biggest excuse you will get to waste time so utilize it.

-Maheen Elahi